Get ready to laugh out loud as these Nun Jokes will have you in stitches faster than a habit being sewn! These puns blend wit and humour, bringing a touch of divine hilarity to your day. Whether you need a good chuckle or love clever wordplay, our nun puns will surely bless you with a smile. Dive in and enjoy the fun!
Table of Contents
The Habit of Humor: Classic Nun Jokes
- A Bad Habit
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked about it, and she replied, “It’s a bad habit.“
- The Curious Nun
A man was on a business trip in New York and headed to a bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup. As the man threw a few bucks into her cup, the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. Annoyed, the man said, “Sister, have you ever tried alcohol?”
“Of course not,” gasped the nun.
The man smiled and said, “Well, how about you try just one drink to see for yourself?”
The nun hesitated but agreed, saying, “I can’t be seen in a bar, but you could bring me a drink in this tin cup.”
Inside, the man asked the bartender for two scotch on the rocks, one in a tin cup. The bartender sighed and said, “Is that darn nun out there again?”
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Hilarious One-liner Nun Puns to Brighten Your Day
- Why did the nun go to music school? She wanted to improve her “habits.”
- Nuns love to play hide and seek. It’s a great way to test their “cloister-phobia.”
- The new nun is very tech-savvy. She’s got the “habit” of fixing computers.
- What’s a nun’s favourite chess piece? The “bishop.”
- Why don’t nuns go fishing? Because they’re not allowed to show their “sole.”
- How do you make holy water? You boil the “hell” out of it.
- The nun got a promotion. She’s now the “Mother Superior” of jokes.
- Nuns never get lost. They always follow the “convent-ional” path.
- A nun’s favourite type of pants? “Nun-jeans.”
- What did the nun say to the balloon? “Nun of your hot air.”
- The nun’s favourite kind of exercise? “Soul“-searching.
- Why did the nun refuse to wear perfume? She wanted to avoid “sin-sational” scents.
- How do you make a nun laugh? Tell her a “divine” joke.
- Nuns are great comedians. They always have a “habit” of making people laugh.
- What’s a nun’s favourite kind of bird? A “cardinal.”
- The nun went to the beach. She wanted to get a “holy” tan.
- Nuns don’t play poker. They can’t “bluff.”
- Why did the nun bring a ladder to church? To reach the “high” notes.
- What did the nun say when she found a missing puzzle piece? “Thank heaven!“
- Nuns make great bakers. They always “knead” to pray.
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Divine Laughter: More Nun Puns
- A Final Word of Wisdom
The wise old Mother Superior from County Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed, trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. One of the nuns added a generous amount of Irish whiskey to the milk and offered it again. Mother Superior drank it all and said, “Don’t sell that cow.“
- The Camel’s Confession
A nun and a priest were travelling across the desert when their camel died. Facing imminent death, the priest said, “Sister, I’ve always wanted to see a woman naked.”
The nun agreed and stripped. She asked, “Father, what’s that between your legs?”
The priest replied, “It’s a gift from God. If I put it in you, it creates life.”
The nun thought momentarily and said, “Forget me, put it in the camel!”
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Unexpected Twists: Funny Nun Stories
- The Gassing Nun
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out visiting patients when she ran out of gas. She walked to a nearby gas station with no gas cans available. Resourceful, she used a bedpan to carry gas back to her car. Two Baptist ladies watched in amazement as she poured the gas into her tank. One said, “If it starts, I’m turning Catholic.”
- The Fig Leaf Statue
A nun walked into a local Hooters, needing to use the restroom. The bartender warned her about a statue of a naked man with a fig leaf covering his modesty. The nun said she’d look the other way. After using the restroom, the place erupted in applause. Puzzled, the nun asked the bartender why. He laughed and said, “Every time someone lifts the fig leaf, the lights go out.”
Heavenly Humor: Divine Nun Jokes
- God’s Conversation with a Blonde Nun
One night, a blonde nun was praying when God appeared. “My daughter, you’ve pleased me greatly. Ask for anything you wish.”
The nun replied, “I’d like blond jokes to stop.”
God agreed and asked if there was anything else. The nun hesitated and said, “It’s the M&Ms, they’re so hard to peel.”
- The Big Bastard
A priest went fishing and caught a huge fish. A sailor exclaimed, “Look at the size of that bastard!”
The priest scolded him, but the sailor explained that “bastard” was the fish’s name. The priest took it back to the church, and soon, the bishop and the Mother Superior talked about the “bastard” fish. When the Pope heard about it, he laughed and said, “You schmucks are alright.”
Holy Chuckles: Punny Bible Jokes
- Bible Puns
Which Bible character had no parents? Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
- Wrong Shoes
Sister Sarah woke up feeling great but was puzzled when everyone commented she got off on the wrong side of the bed. When she saw Mother Superior, she asked why. The Mother Superior replied, “That’s because you’re wearing Brother John’s shoes.”
See also: 110+ Ghost Puns That Will Have You Howling with Laughter
Laughing with the Saints: Heaven and Nuns
- Before the Pearly Gates
Three nuns died and met St. Peter at the pearly gates. Each had to answer a question. The first is about Adam and Eve, and the second is about the forbidden fruit. The third nun struggled with her question about Eve’s first words to Adam, finally saying, “Gosh, that’s a hard one!” The lights flashed, and she was in.
- The Nun and the Cabby
A nun in a cab noticed the driver staring. He confessed he always wanted to kiss a nun. She agreed on the condition that he be single and Catholic. After a passionate kiss, the cabby confessed he was married and Jewish. The nun replied, “That’s okay, I’m Kevin, and I’m going to a costume party.”
Fiddling Around: Funny Nun Incidents
- The Magic Scales
A nun at an airport used a fortune-telling weight machine that predicted she’d play a fiddle. Surprised, a cowboy handed her a fiddle, and she played beautifully. On her third try, the machine predicted she’d break wind. She tripped fell, and it happened. Missing her flight, she chuckled at the machine’s accuracy.
- The Catholic Hospital
A man recovering from heart surgery at a Catholic hospital was asked by a nun how he’d pay his bill. Without insurance or money, he mentioned his spinster sister, a nun. The nun replied, “Nuns are married to God.” The man said, “Send the bill to my brother-in-law.“
Interesting Fact: The world’s oldest known nun, Sister André of France, lived to be 118 years old, making her the oldest living person until her passing in 2023!
End Notes
Nun jokes are timeless and endlessly amusing. Whether about habits, wisdom, or unexpected twists, these jokes bring smiles to faces everywhere. Laughter is a holy gift, so enjoy these funny puns & jokes and share them with friends to spread the joy!
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